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till death... [Mar. 7th, 2008|03:45 pm]
[Current Location |home]
[mood |depresseddepressed]
[music |tim nold - 1000 miles (best song ever)]

okay well last month and a bit have been shit, god i cant even work out why my life has turned to shit so bad. i keep having breakdown which i cant fully recover from... i quit all my stupid drug use but for the last week i been doing dmx which is great while it lasts but its like the more you do it the more you gotta take next time for a bigger hit then the come down is shitter and shitter. i have no money to buy any today.. not that its expensive i mean for fuck sake what sad bitch gets high on cough medicine.. fuuuuuuck im so fucking fucked up. anyways i have no money so i just took 17 panadol rapids and i never took so mnay of that so im waiting to see hwta happens... right now i feel mellow and depressed but hey thats what i was feeling before so yeh its kinda doing jack shit at the moment. im listening to my favourite singer's music and wanna cry for no fucking reason. i pulled a sickie yesterday from work and just came home and got fucked and it was great then it wore off... i need something to fuck me up forever. something smells gross.. ew, smells like shit. not me! im so isolated in this fucked up world of mine. i still have no one i can talk to about this as much as i needa talk about it but then if i did find someone to confide in chances are i wouldnt tell them anyway. ahhhhhh i fucking hate my life. i need alcohol. okay im desprete... fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.. okay yay now im getting a head spin.. okay im out i think rapid is kickin in, thnak fuck!
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im back.... [Feb. 19th, 2008|09:13 pm]
okay its been like a year since i been on here, seems like a thousand years ago.
well the lats year has been good. few fucked up times but ya get hat i guess. i guess im here cause once again im just as fucked up as i was a year ago or whatever. i now have an eating disorder... still fat!! peice of shit i tell ya! i suffer from borderline personality disorder and bi polar. wow saying tht aloud and reading really makes me an attractive candidate for the shit hole! well i hope everyone is well to say the least.
never really got to thnak you all for being there for me last time round.im sorry i wasnt there for you. i dont expect forgiveness or anything but just hope you know i truly apologise.

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(no subject) [Jan. 12th, 2007|01:00 pm]
[Current Location |home]
[mood |sleepysleepy]
[music |marilyn manson - tainted love.]

once upon a time, there was a girl no older than 15... she thought she had it all... a faboulous lifestyle, everythign she wanted and the world was at her fingertips. as she grow older she fell for a boy who was a little older than she was, but he was nice so they stuck, after 2 years they broke apart she cheated and two timed him and that was that, she stayed with the other boy for 1 month after the ending of the first relationship... then she was alone, though the world was all still in reach.. she had a boy friend who was always there for her, through the good and bad but there was soemthign about this boy which was mature but self indulged also, they never gave a good shot at love together cause no one beleived it could work, although they were once so alike she had grown up and he had just stayed. he called her one night and asked to see her, she refused, she wanted him out of her life forever but he persisted and she gave in.. they talked for hours in the yard, they got closer and as their lips got closer she pulled back and said she must go to bed, he didnt push the subject and left with a small kiss on the cheek, she ran back inside and called her friend to tell of how he had changed and how he wasnt the same boy anymore she connected with him on more than one level her friend had heard it all before with this boy, and this boy, and that boy, no one was buying it, she thought of all the good and bad of her night with the boy and stated she would see him again, she txt him and told him to come back over, he said it was too late but he would see her the next mornign and they would spend the day together doing whatever she chose. the next day the boy called her early and asked if it was too early to see her, she instantly said no, so 20 minutes later he was there, she was still in her pajamas but he didnt care he walked up and smiled and gave her a giant goodmornign hug and whispered in her ear that all night he had been missing her she giggled and called him a liar and they walked up to the house together. she said she'd go have a shower and he patiently waited watchign the t.v an hour later she was dressed and ready to go, he asked what she'd like to do for the day, she said she wanted to go for milkshakes at the restaurant, he thought that was a good idea, they sat there for hours, talking about their past, then she asked what he sees in his future, he looked straight into her bright hazel eyes and said "you, in my future, i see you" she became distant, disconnected with the words.. no one had said anythign like that to her before, she didnt think boys ever said anythign like that anymore... she didnt want to crush him but thought he ought to know that she was moving overseas for a year so there was no point in starting anything. she told him that night when he was dropping her off at home that she was goign away for a year, his eyes saddend she felt awful that she had lead him on, she apologised and told him she should of told him sooner, he said no need to apologise as they would stay good friends, she thought they need to talk it out more and that he stay the night, they stayed up all night watching movies and talking about it all then he asked her out, she saw no point and told him no, but she'd see when she gets back. he said thats bullshit and they should see how it goes for the week before she leaves, she told him no and still he didnt listen, she took the eay way out and told him she was tired and she needed to go to bed. he said he wouldnt stay and that he'd just go home now. she didnt argue she just let him go. as she thought to her self thats the end of that she then got a phone call on her mobile... it was the boy, he was down in his car ready to go home, but told her that he loved her and always had. she said she'd call him the next day and they could maybe catch up. the next day they caught up and went to the beach, ate lunch on the lawns, teased eachother in the shallows, she felt soemthing.. soemthing strong... a feeling she'd never felt, she walked over and kissed him on the lips, he kissed her back, then after, she giggled and held his hand as they walked back to his car. he asked her again if she would go out with him, she changed her mind and said yes, from that day forth they become boyfriend and girlfriend. and sinse then, life has never been the same for her, she loves him, he loves her, it was more to her than getting everythign she wanted because she realised that everythign she ever wanted, was him!
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im listening to marilyn manson, tainted love... lurve it!!!!!!!! [Jan. 2nd, 2007|02:37 am]
hello people!
well im watching t.v and its so funny... theres a family having like 3 sets of twins... scary shit!
ive found a new love... marilyn manson... mmmm sexxxxxy!!
well im on my L's and getting my P's wednesday of next week so im fucken excited.... we got a car in south africa but now callum and i dont know how long we are going to be back in oz for im having a blast here... all my friends and family, olivia is the cutest thing ive ever seen i love her so much. i went to my mates for new years which was fully sik... didnt get hammered though... hmm ima good lil girl. well my 18th is so soon so im so excited... im hiring out a huge room at the manse which is hott and doing it all up so im going to see a party planner tomorrow arvo cause i know how i want the room to be.... on the doors entering the private room i want a huge black silk bow round the door then inside i want 118 black, silver and pink hellium balloons and a huge long dining table with centre pieces of the colours black, pink and silver then on the chairs i want silver cloth over the chairs with a huge black silk bow at the back of each chair and other little touches which i shall work out soon. but im very excited cause its gonna be fully sik haha. i shall be also having a friends thing which'll just be a huge piss up.. woooo!! i have my friends 18th party on thursday night so that'll be great cause i love her heaps and its great to have a nice party for ya 18th so we're going to the stamford for dinner and drinks. im so tired i havnt gone to bed earlier than 1am for 2 weeks.. ahhhhh!! fuck everyones online now... yay! well yes i should be off i have a mate coming over soonish and i must get dressed :) love yaz, hope ya all well xoxox
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(no subject) [Oct. 17th, 2006|12:58 am]
[mood |amusedamused]
[music |firefox - sex shooter]

well hmmm everything has been up and down, nether the less... still all good. my dog beethoven back home died on the thursday a couple of weeks ago and on the same day my grandma died here but also back home my cat soul ja gave birth to her kittens 4 of them and a few days after her baby from her other litter gave birth to 4 more... i cant wait to see them when i go home for a holiday. callum and me couldnt be better. dads coming over here for xmas but ill be in oz for xmas so i get the house to myself... well with callum if he decides to come which means PARTY!!!!!! my best mate jesse will be back from sydney then too so i will get to see him.. fuck i miss him stacks. umm what else.... i guess thats about it. well i hope everyone is well and having fun.love yaz xoxox.
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(no subject) [Sep. 17th, 2006|03:53 pm]
[mood |happyhap hap happy :D]
[music |sex shooter - firefox]

hello people!!
well i have not been on here for like ever, so i do hope everyone is well and enjoying their life.
many things have been going on in my life..... hmm trying to remember them all could be a struggle though.
well first off... i have been dating my boyfriend for a long time now and yes not so long ago he became my finacee, he did it in the cutest way i could have ever imagined... i got up from a late night out with the girls and woke up, got out of bed and headed into the kitchen to find him... there was a note on the kitchen table saying: "kiss me, tease me do what ever to please me, touch me, feel me ill be on one knee" after reading that i was like "WHAT THE FUCK" i mena it barely rhymed hahaha. then monique came into the kitchen and i asked where callum was and she said he was out the back near the pool so i walked for a bit then ran and saw him standing up near the pool... well he wasnt on one knee i can tell you that haha. so as i walked closer he hadnt noticed me so i yelled out "oi" i was basiclly standing infront of him and he got down on one knee.... i started to laugh and cry at the same time as he pulled out a black box from his pocket then he said in his most casual voice ever ever ever "we been going out for ages i love you and id do anythign to be with ya forever, will you marry me?" then my cousin and the girls who i had gone out with the night before and all callums guy friends came out of the bushes.... which was fucken funny... i turnedback to callum after lookin at everyone crawling outa the bushes ant turned to callum and said "yes" and thats the story of my life :D so ive never been as happy as i have been for the last 3 weeks exactly!! we arent plannign on getting married any time soon cause we both have like no money... well no where near as much as ya need for a wedding.... id post pics of my ring if i could but i dunno how but its such an awesome ring... its white gold with the band bit covered with a single layer of diamonds :D
so just incase anyone reads this and is waiting for their man to propose or happy being with the guy or chic theyre with at the moment, just remember love is based on trust, comprimising and keeping your word. im just gonna say this on here cause i can and cause i know callum is gonna read this cause he knows my pass word :P and i dont think id ever have the balls to say this to his face without making him seem like a pussy boy haha.
im so proud of you babe for becoming the man you are today, i know what youve given up for me hasnt been easy but im so thank ful for it and i hope what ive given up for you has made u happy 2 beacuse id only stop it all for you. im the luckiest chic in the world. i love you callz!!
umm what else has been happening... my dads sending me a car cause cars are double/triple the price over here. ummm ohh the biggest news... my cousin monique is pregs with fernandos baby LOL... that kids gonna be so fucken good lookin. oh and my lil couisn from aussie has been doing modeling and shes only 8 months old and she got a gig doing a clothing commercial for some brand so shes gonna be on t.v so i cant wait to see her when i get back to aus for muh bday :D umm my guy cousin from aus is in canada at the moment doing wine making which is awesome and my best mate nadzee is in switzerland for a year which is great for her... its great experience!! ummm my cat is pregs again in aus so thatll be fun! what else ummm.... me gots a job but that was ages ago... ima waitress... callum comes in for his lunch breaks and i get my break the same time, so we have lunch together which i love so much.
well i cant think of anything right now and this is really long... or so it seems. so ciao ciao to everybody. love yaz all. be good, stay safe xoxox!!
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(no subject) [Jun. 16th, 2006|05:33 pm]
[Current Location |home (or what i now call home)]
[mood |numbnumb, im in disbeleif.]
[music |none]

he murdered my cats not all just the kittens and kept their mother alive shes so great though so were all the others how could he does he not feel compassion is any way i can not even look at him with the same fatherly look i once gave my father i fear if a human can mutilate an animal there is no difference in mutilating and murdering a human being im scared, i dont like to live in fear but now im fearful the evidence all leads to it i know it im not dumb i asked where are my kittens he said they walked, they dont leave the property.
im mad. why them i loved the kittens!!!!
fuuuuuuuuuuck fucking murderer!!
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wow.... [May. 8th, 2006|06:05 pm]
hmm well its been a while since on here and what can i say... umm im tired and feel sick, i was making dinner for dad and now his taken over. im moving to africa next wednesday for a year as a test trial if i like it ill stay so ciao old buddies
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(no subject) [Jan. 21st, 2006|11:23 pm]
[mood |anxiousanxious]
[music |Hilary Duff - Come Clean]

hello people,
yes i havnt been on for ages again... reason being ive been in south africa for 5 weeks, visiting family and stuff. it was awesome we went from the soemthing till the 17th, fun fun.
it was kool seeing my family, and chilling with my cousins and theyre friends: i made 5 really good friends over there, Fernando (fish), Warrick, Kasper (Kussie), Leslie-anne and Est`e (S.T).
dranks heaps there, smoked heaps too but yah hmm. well i could have officially fucked my life up but yeh only one person knows so yeh.
umm yeh my cat had kittens before i left and theyre so cute now... 3 girls and a boy... i have temporarily named them until they find owners ina couple of weeks,
boy - sinjin
girl - maycee (means pretty in african)
girl - moi (means girl in african)
girl - kykee (means kitten in african)

last night i couoldnt sleep so at 1am i rang a mate and we talked till 7 this morning, mob to mob but yeh freetime, weeee. we had a good talk bout everything so yah.
i apologise for not writing in anyones journal thing lately.
well i dunno what else has really happened.
hope everyone is well, love ya all.

p.s - anyone know what age a baby in the womb starts feeding from the umbilical cord or whatever??????????????
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(no subject) [Dec. 10th, 2005|12:12 pm]
[mood |ditzyditzy]
[music |Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice.]

wow i havnt been on here for ages, my bad!
well shits been going well although i have had a few moments where i needed to work myself out. smoking habit started then i stopped it, drinking habit started but i stopped that. umm whats been happening....
i went to melbourne that was kool. my cat became pregs.... and two days ago she had her kittens, there is 4 of them and i am yet to fond out which sex they are. she had them under a bush and i found them this mornign... she lead me to them. they are really cute and all look like her, though two have a bit of there father coming through. umm i became friends again with my male ages ago friend, his the guy that comes and goes throughout my life so to speak, yeh well we were mates until early this morning at like 2am he called me and told me im a fucking hoe that should be shot.... he only said that cause i didnt go to his place last night cause i wanted time to myself and yeh.
in a moment im going out with a mate and his gf... ive never met her and havnt seen him in ages so it should be interesting. thought if its only us three itll kinda suck cause ya know, they two in the front talking dirty and shit and lil loner in the back seat secretly hoping one dies suddenly so theyll talk to me lol nah but yeh in some cases being the odd one can suck!
to whoever reads this i hope you are well and safe.
i must now be off my ride is here, nighty night to all.
p.s lizzie if theres a male kittie ill be sure to tell ya... i think you wanted a male, right?
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